The Beat Sheet – Part 3: The Set-Up

I think of all the Beats laid out in the beat sheet, this is the one that gives me the most trouble, and it’s not that I don’t understand the logic behind it or don’t think it’s nessessary. It’s the shear volume of information and backstory that has to be crammed into the first 10 pages that tends to intimidate.

You have to introduce your main characters, expose their flaws and what else needs fixin’, set up the world that these people inhabit before the great change you are introducing in your script shows up.

That seems to be a tall order to squeeze into the first 10 pages. Well, it is to me anyway. Good movies seem to pull it off without breaking a sweat. I can’t post the first 10 minutes of a movie online without infringing on some copyrights so I’ll do the next best thing….I’ll post a trailer. The trailer of ‘Hancock’ contains footage almost exclusively gleaned from the first 10 minutes of the movie.

We’re introduced to Hancock – a drunken superhero who is despised by those he tries to save. Destroys everything in his attempts at heroism. Alone. Has no memory of his past.

Jason Bateman plays a PR guy – wants to do good. Wants companys to do the same. Can’t seem to convince others. He’s a hero without powers.

Charlize Theron – loves her husband, but has some sort of connection to Hancock. Avoids Hancock as much as possible, yet still has sympathy for the guy.

This all just scratches the surface of what is dealt with in the Set-Up. How can I get all that information into the first 10 pages? On one level, I think that if you watch a lot of movies, then subconciously you know what you have to write about in the opening bit of your script. However, when writing by ‘instinct’ I’m guessing it makes it harder to correct your mistakes as you don’t exactly know what’s wrong. When you read what your wrote something feels wrong, but without experience and knowledge it’s probably harder to isolate it.

For that reason I’m going to try out a little list of my own concoction. I’m simply going to list my two main characters and their character traits and flaws before I even start writing. I hope that this will help focus me during the actually writing part. (As an aside, this type of stuff would probably already been done if you’re the type of writer who likes to make character bios, but for those of us who are notoriously bad at writing down our characters this list might help):

Movie Theme: This is up here just to help me focus on the characters and how I want them to change.

Character One: Here is where I write how my character is deficient in regards to the theme.

Character Two: Ditto.

The World Of:

1. Character One: What is the life like for him/her? How has their deficiency in regards to the theme hampered them in daily life?
2. Character Two: Ditto.

Things that Need Fixing For:

1. Character One: While these things are related to the theme, they are minor in scope in comparison to the main conflict and can be ‘fixed’ numerous ways.
2. Character Two: Umm…..ditto.

So far this has just been an intellectual exercise for me so let me do the list again but stuff characters from a recent script in it.

Movie Theme: Are We Our Brothers Keeper?

Character One: Withdrawn from the world. Does not involve himself at all with it.

Character Two: Tries, but by helping her brother she ends up hurting many others.

The World Of:

1. Character One: Has given up on trying to get involved. Now he is alone, hunted.
2. Character Two: Tries to keep family together, though her family has left her. Her attempts are also causing her to lose her friends and co-workers as well.

Things that Need Fixing For:

1. Character One: Given up on life. Doesn’t get involved in other peoples life, or share his with others. Lost all sense of who he is….life is just time passing.
2. Character Two: Desperate to have a family like before. Lost respect of the other cops. Lost her ability to put events together….predict consequences or behavior.

Ok…not the best or most clear list ever created, but I think it will help me to focus on what I need to include in the early part of my story. What do I do to convey that my detective has lost the respect of the cops she works with? Dialogue? A single look given her by a beat cop? This list will hopefully help me in figuring all that out.

Of course, I just used two characters in my example whereas I should have a couple more tucked in there. Anyone else have a better way to formulate my thoughts to help create a great Set-Up in my script?

Script Writing – Scene Descriptions

It’s been a long time since I last posted and for the one person who checks this site regularly (um…me) I’d like to apologize. It’s been a bit crazy around here lately. Someone has made an offer to buy my movie theatre so there has been lots of handwringing about that issue…still haven’t figured out what to do yet either. Also I’ve been getting my application ready for a film workshop being held in LA this August. They only accept 30 people and if you’re picked, room and board, as well as flight, is included! Coolio!

I imagine they’ll be letting people know if they’ve been accepted in the next week or two. Believe me, if I get in I’ll be posting it on my blog here to gloat to…um…me.

This post I’d like to talk about scene descriptions in your script.

Ok, I lied. I’d like to talk about scene descriptions in MY script, but any pearls of wisdom should be applicable to your own. See? I’m all about the givin’ here. To start things off, here is a brief bit of a script I’m working on (forgive the formatting…didn’t copy/paste well):

MICHAELS

What the…?

Rolling the coin between her fingers, she tries to make out the markings on the well worn coin.

AMBULANCE DRIVER

Where we heading? Hospital or coroner?

She gives the body a brief kick, waits for a reaction. Deadpan.

MICHAELS

I’m guessing the coroner.

AMBULANCE DRIVER

Good call.

Michaels goes back to the coin. It looks almost as old as the flint knife.

The body bag jostles slightly.

MICHAELS

We hit a bump or something?

AMBULANCE DRIVER

Nope.

The body bag jostles again, even more pronounced.

MICHAELS

Pothole?

AMBULANCE DRIVER

Sorry?

Michaels reaches towards the zipper on the bag.

The bag suddenly sits up.

This is one of my better scenes when it comes to action tags/scene descriptions. I tend to run off at the mouth (textually speaking) and can easily end up with more descriptions then dialogue. It’s not good and it’s something that I have to continually work at….cutting it all down and keeping it simple is like cutting off my own fingers. Anyhoo…how about we check out a script from a movie that actually got made shall we? The script is ‘Smokin’ Aces’ and you can find it here. Here’s a snippet:

PADICHE (V.O.)
…Jesus…what for?
SERNA (V.O.)
–who can say. He’s off his onion,
y’know, he’s old school Sicilian,
this is how they hate.
PADICHE (V.O.)
Wow.
SERNA (V.O.)
Hey, we nab Israel, they pay t’get’m
back, I’ll cut the fuckin’ thing out
m’self, no extra charge. My thing
is, we crew up, let’s not fuck
around, someone’s cousin, some Zip
off the boat from Naples, let’s get
pros, people who know how to behave.
PADICHE (V.O.)
Yeah, there’s a pair’a broads I’m
thinking might be good for this.
SERNA (V.O.)
Chances are, they’re gonna get into
some shit too, hafta put people down.
PADICHE (V.O.)
That’s not a problem. Are we goin’
outta pocket ourselves?
SERNA
Yeah, I can front this.
PADICHE (V.O.)
Well just so I got a quote in my
head. What’s the rate for the Swede?
SERNA
That’s the punchline, y’ready?
PADICHE
Shoot.
4.
SERNA (V.O.)
A million flat.
PADICHE (V.O.)
No shit.
SERNA (V.O.)
None whatsoever.

Bad formatting aside (which is also the result of copy/pasting), notice anything else? There are no scene descriptions! Ok, that’s not entirely true. Every new scene Joe Carnahan does throw up some descriptive prose to give the reader a sense of their surroundings. He also has no trouble writing paragraphs describing intense action scenes. But regular scenes? Nada. Zip.

I’m impressed. Not only in his ability to say a lot by writing very little, but also with his faith in the actors and actresses into whose hands he’s putting his baby.

When I’m writing I see everything my characters do and I want to put that all down in the script. But I can’t, because to do so would severely hamstring any actors interested in doing my film. So in short…say more, write less. Or if my own observations are any indication….you’re script should have a lot more dialogue then description.

I dunno, maybe the way I have it now is fine for garnering initial interest in a script from the studios, but I imagine it would have to be rewritten before it got passed around to actors. Any actors read this site? Mind telling me if my theory is correct or not?