How to Write a Great Logline….for my own script.

The moment of truth has arrived. After writing a rough first draft (and I do mean rough) the realization that I need a log line can not be ignored any longer. I mean, I want to procrastinate but then that would defeat the whole purpose of this blog….getting me to focus on my writing instead of my normal job:)

I found another resource for writing log lines here which gave three simple things to keep in mind while writing yours:

A logline indicates:

1. What the protagonist must do. (What happened to cause the protagonist to begin his quest/journey.)

2. How the protagonist goes about it. (What is the protagonist actively doing?)

3. What terrible thing will happen if the protagonist fails. (What does the antagonist want?)

While I don’t want to give out too much information from a screenwriting book, I do want to mention one of the four points that Blake Snyder points out….Irony. Too see if irony is indeed important I headed on over to ScriptHollywood to see if their collection of loglines contain this ingredient. Here’s one for ”Raiders of the Lost Ark’

LOG LINE: Just before the outbreak of World War II, an adventuring archaeologist named Indiana Jones races around the globe to single-handedly prevent the Nazis from turning the greatest archaeological relic of all time into a weapon of world conquest.

The irony in this one doesn’t really jump out at me. In fact, the only thing that I would consider ironic is that it’s an archaeologist who is saving the world from Nazis. Not some army commando or a spy, but a guy who spends his life digging up old stuff. Would you guys consider this one to contain a hint of irony?

This next one is for Austin Powers and I just stole it from Yahoo movies:

A spy from the sixties is frozen so that he may return in the 90’s to stop a villanous force.

Honestly, I’m not sure if this is the actual log line of the movie or just one conjured up by those guys over at Yahoo. I don’t think there is any irony in this one, though some could be included by mentioning Austin having to come to grips with the new social and sexual mores of the 90’s.

Enough talk..on to my own logline.

When an auditor with the military discovers something suspicious regarding one of their research teams, he unwillingly becomes a test subject that sends him to the very depths of Hell itself.

Ok…lets go back to the 3 guidelines mentioned earlier in the script.

1) What happened to cause the protagonist to begin his quest/journey? I think I got this right. The auditor stumbled upon something the research team was trying to hide. Seems straight forward enough.

2) What is the protagonist actively doing? Big ‘No’ on my part here. My logline doesn’t go into any details as to what he’s actively doing. Trying to survive? Trying to expose the research teams cover up? Nothing. I’ll have to try and rewrite it in the log line draft.

3) What terrible thing will happen if the protagonist fails? Also a big fail for me on this point. There is no mention of the outcome if he fails. In the Indiana Jones logline earlier in the post we are told:

…prevent the Nazis from turning the greatest archaeological relic of all time into a weapon of world conquest.

We know what the stakes are if Indiana Jones fails in that log line.

I do think my logline contains some irony as the hero of this story is an auditor…not the most heroic job description out there. So how can I fix my logline so that points 2 and 3 are incorporated?

My hero needs to be actively doing something. Since this script is a modern take on Dante’s ‘Divine Comedy‘ it should be something along the lines of…I don’t know. The script is more of a journey of self discovery then some ‘race against the clock’ script, though this story does contain elements of that, so the ‘activity’ could be a variety of things. Should I focus on the self-discovery? When I’m reading log lines I know that I enjoy physical, concrete goals that the protagonist needs to reach. Nothing puts me to sleep faster then reading about some guy/gal taking a roadtrip on a ‘road to self-discovery’.

I know, I’m shallow that way.

How about…

When an auditor with the military discovers something suspicious regarding one of their research teams, he becomes yet another unwillingly test subject for an experiment that sends him to the very depths of Hell itself and where he has to save the others and himself.

Ok, now we have an activity. We also have a mouthful of crap that needs to be cut in half. I’ll deal with that soon enough…on to point 3, what happens if the protagonist fails. Well, the consequence I had in mind was the freeing of Satan himself. In the ‘Divine Comedy’ Satan is encased in ice, trapped forever in impotence. The fact that these ‘travellers’ seem to hold the key for him to get out is intriguing to me. Of course, my whole ending might have to change if it doesn’t make sense. I can’t hold on to it just because I think it’s cool.

When an auditor with the military discovers something suspicious regarding one of their research teams, he becomes yet another unwillingly test subject for an experiment that sends him to the very depths of Hell itself. He has to free himself and the others, as their very presence opens up the chance that Hell could literally break lose.

Still too long, but at this point I’m happy to get this information squeezed into this awkward and cumbersome couple sentences.

I think I need to take a break tonight and think about shortening this log line into something more manageable. Perhaps it’s time to stop looking at what is included in a logline and start looking at acceptable length.

There’s gotta be something out there on the interwebs about that right?

How to Write a Great LogLine

I’ve been thinking about this question a lot recently. I’ve only written 5 scripts so far in my fledgling career, and the logline has always seemed to be something left to the ad guys when they’re putting together the poster. I mean, I don’t have to come up with it now do I?

Yup. I do. And the clarity of purpose a logline brings to the writing process is absent from each of my scripts. I wish I could say I’m surprised.

So what makes a good logline? I’ve just picked up Save the Cat by Blake Snyder a little while ago and it dedicates the first chapter to the creation of your logline.

He even goes so far as to say not to write anything until you’ve polished your logline. Crazy eh?

It’s a great read, and as someone who foolishly never attempted to write a logline before, very helpful. Since I am still struggling with a logline for one of my scripts I thought it would be an interesting exercise for me to post a couple loglines from other movies and talk myself through them.

Feel free to listen in if you wish. Ready? Here we go!

The first logline comes from here and is for a script called “THE YELLOW ROSE AFFAIR”

LOG LINE: A serial killer is on the loose, the victims are exotic dancers, and a single yellow rose is uniquely placed on each victim’s body.

Not much to start with there is it. Who is the protagonist? A ’struggling to stay sober’ detective? A former exotic dancer who pulled her life together and now must save the life of her former friends? I don’t know who I should be cheering for from this logline. There also is no mention of the stakes involved. The the serial killer targeting the protagonist and the mystery must be solved before he/she can be killed? Are the killings forcing the city to shut down all exotic dance clubs and one owner must find the killer before he loses everything he’s spent his life building? The final bit of this logline mentions a yellow rose…and since that’s the title of this script I’m assuming it’s an important bit of information. But is this information that I need or even want to know? A serial killer targeting strippers is enough for me to be interested, but I’m a simple guy with simple tastes:)

Here’s my take on the logline for this script:

LOG LINE: When the bodies of exotic dancers start turning up all over the city, a young police officer must risk her family and her reputation to track down the serial killer who is attacking those she once worked with, and who has now set his sights on her.

Ok, that’s not exactly great either, but I guess it’s not bad for something cooked up in a couple minutes:) I’ve created a protagonist who is a police officer but was once a stripper herself which adds a bit of conflict into the story. Her former life is something she’s probably kept hidden from those on the force, her family, etc,. Plus I’ve added some stakes into it as well, with the serial killer now focusing in on the protagonist. She’s now has to track this guy down before she herself is killed.

On to the next logline! This one I got from here and is entitled ‘The Night Projectionist’.

LOG LINE: A night projectionist at a condemned movie theater takes his audience hostage on Halloween night, unleashing a battle between past ghosts and the revelation that he is a vampire facing his last night on earth.

Um….yah. Where to even start with this one? Why is a vampire working as a projectionist and why is this a revelation to him? Why take his audience hostage to begin with unless it was to feast on them all? I know that good log lines are suppose to make you want to read more, but I just wanted to read the script so I could make sense of it all. Probably not the same thing. Is the fact that the movie theatre is condemned important? How does taking the audience hostage lead to a battle between ghosts? Is there something that this projectionish/vampire must accomplish before Halloween is over? So many questions, so little time.

Here’s my take on it:

LOG LINE: A vampire who long ago turned his back on his bloodthirsty nature is finally found by an old enemy. Trapped in a condemned theatre on Halloween night with his immortal foe, dozens of hostages, and with cops surrounding the building, he must decide between escaping or staying to save the lives of the innocents behind held. And the sun will rise soon.

Not as good as an effort as my first one I think. I added a more concrete villain to the story and given him a goal (in this case, revenge) and gave the logline more of a deadline by mentioning the sun rising. I do hate that last sentence though, and wish I could incorporate it into the rest of the logline. I tried, but the sentence seemed so long and ‘run-on-ish’ that I felt I needed a new sentence to avoid sticking a fork in my eye in frustration. The protagonist is also given a conflict. Vampire who wants to be human, escape and live versus stay and fight for his friends. All very cliche so that needs a bit of work to make it new and exciting.

Definately will have to try picking apart my own logline in the next day or two and see if I can be as honest with it as I am with others. Only time will tell.

In the meantime, here is a checklist for Loglines from www.ehow.com. Definitely not the same as the 4 ingredients for a logline that Mr.Snyder suggests, but it might interest some of you.

Step 1 – Begin by logline by revealing the movie’s premise. What are the major complications in your story? What does your hero want and what is the major obstacle in his path? Write this is a sentence. For example: he wants to recover the family inheritance that was stolen from him by his brother.

Step 2 – Describe the action that your hero takes to overcome his obstacles. Again do this in a single sentence. He kidnaps his brother.

Step 3 – Describe the hero’s crisis and the dangerous complications that arise from his actions. Everyone is out to get him and he has no one he can trust.

Step 4 – Hint at the climax, the final showdown, and the hero’s transformation at the end of the movie. Don’t spell this out in detail. Make the reader want to read your script.

Step 5 – Identify the sizzle in your movie–sex, greed, humor, danger, thrills, satisfaction. Specify the genre. Is it a thriller, mystery, comedy or romance? Write all this in present tense and no more than three sentences. Most professional scriptwriters agree that, “If you can’t say it in three sentences, you don’t know what your script is about.” Think of the movie you’ve been writing the script for, and then breathe life and personality into those three sentences.

You can find another take on what makes a great logline here and here. There are hundreds of other sites out there which purport to teach you the secrets of logline writing….just Google ‘Writing movie loglines’ and I’m sure you’ll get an obscene amount of links.

Cheers!